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Thailand: Day 23
It was dark all around me except for a little light starting to break through the shades. I rolled over and waved my hand over my phone so the clock would appear. 5:57 AM. It never fails that you wake up just a few minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. I laid there until 6 and turned my alarm off.
I got up and spent a few minutes preparing myself for what would be the next 45 minutes of non-enjoyable, medical intervention, that has become a norm in my life. Once that was complete, I hopped in the shower and got myself ready for the day. My friend and I went downstairs and had an enjoyable breakfast before I headed to the lobby, to wait for the driver to take me to my follow up exam with the surgeon.
I tossed my donut pillow into the back seat of the driver’s car, grabbed the handle over the door, swung myself in, sat down and got comfortable for the ride. It was a bumpy ride, and I’m not sure that my new parts have forgiven me yet, but we made it to the doctors office and I went inside. As soon as I arrived, they handed me a small envelope that had a letter that I could use for the airlines to get some special treatment. We’ll have to see how well that works.
I was taken upstairs to the changing room, where I was told to remove all of my clothes, all of my jewelry, and to put on the surgical robe. I was then ushered into the exam room, where I was told to sit up on the table and lay back, placing my legs in the stirrups. I felt just a little exposed and, believe it or not, I can see all you women, who are reading this, snickering and smirking. The surgeon came in and proceeded to inspect his handiwork. He confirmed that everything was healing absolutely perfectly and even went about cleaning me up. It was over before I knew it and it was not painful at all. I was then escorted back to the changing room where I put all my clothes and jewelry back on and went downstairs to wait for the driver.
I came back to the hotel where I relaxed a little bit before my friend and I headed out to visit the Erawan Museum in Bangkok. The Erawan Museum is a 12 acre garden and museum that houses cultural, religious, and historical artifacts of the nation of Thailand, which was also known as Siam. It is famous for its 44 meter tall, 3 headed, copper elephant, that also doubles as a Buddhist temple.
The garden was absolutely beautiful with waterfalls, statues, lush green vegetation, and a cobblestone pathway all the way through the garden and around the main temple in the middle. It really reminded me of something my grandmother would have enjoyed, as her house was filled with all kinds of oriental artwork and statues. We proceeded into the bottom of the museum, which was a circular path that led from room to room. Each room was filled with various pots, jars, and models of different things that taught about the history and culture of Thailand. Once we had walked through that, we then proceeded to the inside of the temple. We were required to remove our shoes and cover our legs because our shorts did not go below our knees. This was done in order to respect the culture of the Thai people.
Inside the temple, there was a massive staircase that went up the center and then split at a statue of Buddha, each side going around to an upper level. Above that, you could take an elevator up to the next floor, where there were more altars, and a staircase leading up to the main portion of the temple, inside the elephant’s body and head. It seemed that everything inside the temple was adorned with jewels or carvings that told the history of the Thai people. It was a very beautiful sight to see.
When we were done, we grabbed a cab back to the hotel so that we could rest while I attended to my medical needs. After a bit of resting, we decided to go to the mall next door and eat at a little pizza shop in there. So off to the races we went, with more walking, and more enjoyment of the sites of Bangkok. The mall was not too terribly crowded for a Wednesday night, but there was some kind of promotional deal going on in the main center of the mall with a lot of cars and motorcycles. There was also a DJ who had the speakers so loud that the bass was shaking the walls in the stores nearby.
We enjoyed our pizza, some buffalo wings, and a couple of Thai iced teas. After we paid for the meal, we began to walk around the mall. I have been wanting to get something for my kids, but I was not sure what they would like that I could find. I’m not big on buying things here that I can get at home. I would like to have something unique that you can only get in Asia. Combining the uniqueness, with something that my kids would like and enjoy, has been a real challenge. We walked the mall for an hour and then headed back to the hotel.
Back in the hotel, it was time to wind down, watch TV, and once again attend to my medical needs. I laid in bed doing my thing, while my friend and I watched The X Files. I eventually took the time to rest, talk to some friends online, peruse Facebook, and let sleep slowly take me over. A perfect end to a perfect day.
Maybe That’s the Point
Lately we’ve seen a surge of articles and blog posts about the SBC and their beliefs and how they are persisting those beliefs all the way down to the very people who attend their churches. Also in the same space, I’m seeing a lot of Christians coming out of the closets for the first time. My own brothers and sisters being strengthened to make known their true, God-created, identity, no matter what the body looks like. I can’t help but wonder…
When churches fought to keep slavery, I bet there was a surge of Christians who believed otherwise. When churches fought to keep women quiet, I bet there was a surge of Christians who believed otherwise. When churches fought to deny voting rights to women and minorities, I bet there was a surge of Christians who believed otherwise. When churches fought to keep the minority groups from having the same basic opportunities as their majority counterparts, I bet there was a surge of Christians who believed otherwise.
Since I’ve been born and attending church, none of those fights have existed for me. They all seem to be old relics of the past, a fight that the church no longer fights because it has realized how it was oppressing others for it’s misguided interpretation of scriptures. Now, I still see them fighting against LGB people and yet some have come to their senses and said, “Hmm, maybe we read that wrong. Let’s go back and take a look.” I still see them fighting against trans people (I know, I’m one of their victims) and yet some have come to their senses and revisited the scriptures in light of new medical information.
I can’t help but wonder if perhaps the surge of Christians who are gay or trans is simply God’s way of showing the oppressors just what they’re doing. When I see a fellow brother or sister, strong in the faith, having studied to show themselves approved, showing their true identity in Christ, I get a little more encouraged that perhaps one day, the church will treat us like they finally treat the free slaves, the women, the minorities.
Until then I can’t help but wonder if we (my LGBT brothers and sisters in Christ) were put in this very place, at this very time, created this very way to simply help make the body of Christ a healthier group.
Maybe that’s the point.
It Is Finished
I’m somewhat of a savant when it comes to dates. For some reason I just remember dates really well. Some of the dates that are really stuck in my head are ones I’ll likely never forget, because they meant so much to me.
August 10, 1999 – Band performs private concert for friends and family
September 18, 1999 – Our first time face to face
September 24, 1999 – First official date
October 10, 1999 – First kiss
April 3, 2000 – Wonderful, blissful date
October 21, 2000 – Got engaged
April 28, 2001 – Got married
October 10, 2006 – New State, New Job
May 7, 2007 – New House
May 14, 2013 – Self-Exposure
August 2, 2013 – Self-Accepting
October 22, 2014 – Divorce Final
* There are other dates that I can not list due to privacy issues, but believe me when I say that I remember them well.
There’s so much finality in that last one. It’s amazing how so much changes in such a short span. We imagine our future when we’re young. We can’t wait for it to get here and then it comes and sometimes it’s great, other times it’s not what we expected. I often wonder if it’s our fault or someone else’s. Did we set a high expectation? Did someone else sell us a false bill of goods? I’m reminded of some lyrics from a friends band…
“I guess that things that last forever just don’t last”
Perhaps, in some sick, twisted way, it’s true. I’m very introspective. For the last 5+ months, I’ve had these thoughts running around in my head and now it seems appropriate to put them on to paper and see them for what they are. I still believe in love. I still believe in commitment. I still think that “for richer or poorer” means ANY financial circumstance. I still believe that “for better or for worse” means ANY situation. I still believe “in sickness and in health” means ANY medical condition. I still believe that “until death do you part” means someone has to kick the bucket. Maybe we got it wrong. Maybe it’s until one person dies inside. Maybe it’s until the love itself dies. I’m an optimist. Love knows no bounds.
I told my mother today that I would never be divorced again, because I would never be married again. Some people argue that the love you receive in marriage is worth the pain you may or may not receive in the end. I for one can live without the pain that comes from ripping two souls apart when they’ve been bonded together by love.
Maybe one day I’ll eat those words. Maybe not. Either way, only time will tell. Perhaps, one day, I’ll be just stupid enough to forget the pain and consider risking the emotional investment. I don’t know. These scars are pretty deep and pretty ugly.
I know I’ll have trust issues. I still have a problem forgiving myself, everyone else will just have to get in line.
Shedding Shadows 